Star Wars quietly promises us Palpatine did not have sex, thank god

More details have been coming out of the official novelisation of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker and detailing many things missing from the movie, one of which surrounds Rey’s dad.

If you haven’t seen the film then feel free to skip this until you have, but otherwise, let’s discuss Rey and her dad, and her dear old grandpa.

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So, The Rise of Skywalker dropped the bombshell that Palpatine was Rey’s grandfather all along. However, that raises the question, did Palpatine do the woo-hoo with someone, if so, that’s gross and an abuse of power.

It turns out, he didn’t. Thank the Lord of Star Wars. His clone did.

I know, a bit weird, but let’s go with it. So, Palps had a clone body made that he hoped to transfer himself into like some weird cyberpunk geriatric because his body was failing him.

The body, actually a man called Sheev, was born with no force powers, so instead of using the body, Palps had him killed after Rey was born.

Of course, we all know Rey went on to have lots of force powers and then faced off against Palpatine who is technically her grandad. Long story short, Palps didn’t take anyone to bed.

Instead, he found out that Rey was powerful and resorted to his old trick of trying to lure someone to the dark side, except it didn’t work and Rey was as disgusted as the audience that old Palpy was still kicking around.

I kind of love that Palptine was clever enough to overthrow the senate and destroy the Jedi, but didn’t think to clone himself several times in order to get a better-suited body. What a finale!

Anyway, let’s be thankful that no women had to lay beneath that crinkly, old, dried-up washcloth of a man and think of the Empire.