PlayStation 'confirms' Kratos' first name, ruins God Of War forever

Learning the name of a character isn’t always a good thing; when we first discovered that Baby Yoda was actually called Grogu, a lot of us grimaced. It seems a new fandom is going to awkwardly cringe as PlayStation has just revealed that God of War’s Kratos is called John.

Yes, you read that right. Typing it hurts me more than you having to read it, I can assure you.

Before every John in the world gets upset, there’s nothing wrong with your name, it’s a good, everyday name, but it’s a little mundane for a god. Odin, Thor, Loki – these are all unusual names that grab your attention, and while more kids have those names nowadays thanks to MCU, they’re not your average moniker.

Initially, the name John Kratos was nothing more than a joke shared on Twitter by The Guardian’s gaming editor, Keza MacDonald. But as is the case with so much internet content these days, it soon gained its own lifeforce, eventually leading to PlayStation canonising the name. If you think that’s a shocker, wait until you learn that the World Serpent is named Colin. Colin! All I can picture now is Colin Robinson’s face (if you don’t get that reference, shame on you for not watching What We Do in the Shadows).

As you’d expect from such a cracking joke, GOW fans have embraced the legend of John, telling tales of “John Kratos, a janitor turned into a Greek God by an accident during an experiment with tacos”. Seeing this just leaves us with more questions: how did he become a god, and what was happening with those tacos?

The joy of John Kratos keeps on giving, which is a blessing considering God of War Ragnarök is the last time Santa Monica Studio will use Norse mythology for its narrative. No matter what myths come next, we’ll always have John and his life of service as a janitor/Norse god.