Nintendo's Latest Hardware Is The Stupidest Product I've Seen Since Alarmo, I Want One

Nintendo has just revealed what may be the most annoying product I have ever laid my eyes (and, unfortunately, my ears) on, but I have to admit… I do kind of want one.

Not for myself, of course. I’m planning to hide it under the floorboards of my worst enemy, so they can hear it say stuff like “Is it weird for flowers to talk?” and “Make sure you’re gettin’ your veggies!” at random intervals throughout the day.

I am, of course, referring to the recently announced Talking Flower device, which is set to hit store shelves on March 12, for some reason.

Nintendo revealed this odd little curio on their official YouTube channel last night, and fans are mostly just perplexed by its existence.

The Talking Flower is a character from the 2023 Nintendo Switch game Super Mario Bros. Wonder. Assumedly, Nintendo are releasing a physical version of this annoying little pest as some sort of marketing tie-in for the upcoming Nintendo Switch 2 version of the game, titled Super Mario Bros. Wonder – Nintendo Switch 2 Edition + Meetup in Bellabel Park. Really rolls off the tongue.

An official promo image of someone poking the Talking Flower, Nintendo

So, what exactly can the Talking Flower do? Waffle at you. That’s pretty much it.

It’s not voice-activated. You just press the button, and the Talking Flower will just start spewing nonsense. This includes iconic phrases like “Have you had lunch yet?” and “Sometimes it’s nice to space out.” It retails for £24.99, by the way.

Well, maybe that isn’t entirely fair. Apparently, it can also tell if it’s hot or cold in your room. Not to flex or anything, but that’s something I can also do myself by simply existing.

Oh, I nearly forgot, it can also tell the time! Sort of. Or, as Nintendo puts it, the Talking Flower “will also announce the hour (mostly accurately).”

Based on the trailer for the device, “mostly accurately” actually means that it will, for whatever reason, purposefully tell you the wrong time? Wow. Thanks, Nintendo. Exactly what I’ve always wanted. A plastic flower that gaslights me into thinking I’m late for work every morning.

Look, obviously, this is aimed at kids, so most of my jabs are done in jest. However, if I were a parent and someone bought my child the most annoying device known to man, I think I would cut that person out of my will. And I'm only half-joking.