I'm actually, definitely really glad PlayStation hasn't remastered Bloodborne yet, thanks Sony

I’ve been doing some thinking of late. And do you know what? I’m actually super glad PlayStation hasn’t remastered Bloodborne yet. It makes me happy. Thank you, Sony.

I’m tickled pink that Sony has spent the last decade treating one of its most original and immaculately designed exclusives like a drunk uncle that isn’t invited to family gatherings any more because they did a poo in the wardrobe that one Christmas. I mean, who wants to celebrate the 10th anniversary of one of the best games of all time by helping it to reach new audiences? Not me. If you missed it in 2015 then you should never be allowed to play it again. In fact, if you even so much as bring Bloodborne up, Sony should legally be allowed to send goons round to your house to beat you with a sack full of pennies.

If you really stop to mull it over, we should all be absolutely thrilled that Sony is intent on remastering every single PlayStation 4 game except Bloodborne. Even the ones that were already absolutely beautiful (Horizon: Zero Dawn, The Last Of Us Part II), and the ones that no amount of fresh paint will save from being deeply, inescapably dull (Days Gone).

Ultimately, I think it’s a Very Good Thing Bloodborne is routinely ignored, and that any real acknowledgement of its existence is swiftly swept away, as if the very act of mentioning it will open a portal to a hell dimension full of knives and misery, and wardrobes full of poo.

Above all, if there’s one group of fans that Sony really needs to take to task, it’s definitely Bloodborne fans. I, for one, can’t believe the nerve of a community that makes its own PC ports, spinoffs, and 60fps patches to share with fellow fans. And why? Just because Sony has refused to for the last 10 years? As if that’s a valid excuse to fight to keep alive a game that's consistently ignored by the people who own it? What a bunch of selfish, evil bastards. The fans, that is. Not Sony. You've done nothing wrong Sony babes, ilysm you're the victim hun.

Shut it all down, Sony. After all, it’s your IP to sit on and do nothing with.