Ranking the Most Unhinged Dialogue in Pokemon Pokopia

Pokémon Pokopia has some of the quirkiest writing I’ve seen in a long time, which the internet is currently obsessed with. It’s packed with charm and out-of-pocket surrealness that’s made me stop in my tracks more than once.

For years, the life-sim genre has been haunted by the ghost of Animal Crossing: New Horizons. While we all loved our island getaways, the community’s loudest (and most valid) complaint was around dialogue. I found it became repetitive after a few days, and lacked any of the bite from the previous Animal Crossing games.

Pokémon Pokopia has turned the life sim genre on its head with its amazing, if sometimes unhinged, dialogue, giving Pokémon actual, distinct voices. It’s a masterclass in localization. Talking of, I have to give a massive Honorable Mention to the Spanish translation team. Pokémon casually say “you ate” and “yasss”. Slay divas.

It’s good, but these next few are great.

Squirtle in Pokemon Pokopia

6. Squirtle

Bothered, unmoisturized, not flourishing. Coming in at seven is one of the very first missions you’ll come across in the game. Squirtle’s pathetic little ‘Wa-water’ is a push towards learning Water Gun, but sounds less like a Pokémon and more like a hungover college student at 3:00 AM. Been there king.

Magikarp in Pokemon Pokopia

5. Magikarp

This one got a proper snort out of me. There is no Pokémon more existentially burdened than Magikarp, so the lack of punctuation or brain activity in Magikarp’s simple 'Yo where am I' as you violently smash through the coastal walls of the Withered Wasteland sums up this Pokémon perfectly.

Kyogre in Pokemon Pokopia

4. Kyogre

This might be the biggest lore reveal in the history of the franchise. Forget the "Primal Reversion" or the "Origin Forme" - in Pokémon Pokopia, Kyogre is canonically a Southern Gentleman. It’s fine! I just didn’t think the literal Creator of the Seas would have a molasses-slow Southern drawl. It’s fine.

Drifloon in Pokemon Pokopia

3. Drifloon

In Pokémon Pokopia, Drifloon can take you to Dream Islands, which are filled with materials to take home. Helpful, but harrowing. When you meet it for the first time, it says human children give it energy, which is canon Pokemon lore since Generation 4. Creepy stuff, you can’t be going round saying that, big man.

2. Heracross

The hateration, the holleration and the dancery. The long-standing beef between these two ‘Mons is long documented in the Pokedex, but it’s something else entirely to see it unfurl against the cosy backdrop of Pokémon Pokopia is something else entirely.

Bulbasaur in Pokemon Pokopia

1. Bulbasaur

Here it is. The king. The legend. The humid man himself. Bulbasaur says this when you’re trying to increase the humidity to make it rain in the Withered Wastelands.

I love this line so much I’ve literally printed it out and stuck it on my bathroom door. So true, Bulbasaur.