Baldur's Gate 3 companions ranked by how quickly we can get them into bed
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Featured Image Credit: Larian Studios
Alright, you horny lot, I’ve been putting in the hours, in more ways than one, to determine which characters are the easiest to woo into bed in Baldur’s Gate 3. It’s been time-consuming, but some poor soul has to do it, and, because I’m so selfless, I nominated my beautiful Tav to take on this monumental task.
Before we begin, while I’ve used the term “easy” I by no means condone any slut shaming based on this extremely scientific experiment – just because someone goes to your bedroll with ease is never a reason to judge them. Besides, considering how excitable you lot are, I reckon you’ll want the saviours of Baldur’s Gate to drag you to that bedroll sooner rather than later!
Just in case you need tempting further...
Another disclaimer I want to make: while I try to stay true to my character, I always try to create scenarios where everyone is happy. Thanks to Astarion, this can be difficult. However, if you choose when to take him with you and when not to, you’ll find getting that vamp into the sack easier than saving Volo from himself.
Lastly, I’m not talking about romance in its broadest sense, I’m referring to sex. This ranking is based on how quickly your companions bang you, and while a kiss can be passionate, it’s not the same as bumping uglies with an ally.
So, without further ado, let’s begin making magic across the realm.
For those wanting to get to sex early on, Wyll just isn’t your man. Although it’s not hard to win his approval, especially when playing as a good-aligned character, he’s a traditionalist when it comes to the ways of love. You’ll be able to intertwine those bodies, but mainly through the art of dance, and I don’t mean the horizontal boogie.
Now, Karlach is an interesting one because it’s clear this muscular beauty would bone you the moment she knows she likes you, but alas, her pesky infernal engine gets in the way. Unfortunately, this means taking Karlach to bed doesn’t happen until much later in the game than with other companions, which is a damn shame because that Tiefling is smoking.
Shadowheart will reveal her interest in you quite early on, with the chance for a smooch popping up as early as Act 1. However, it’s not until Act 3 that you get to peel away that armour to find the woman underneath. This happens regardless of what route you pick for her, though I’d argue one is more heartfelt than the other.
This beefy Elf is an open-minded guy, so much so that you can romance him while romancing either Astarion or Shadowheart. What is more, you can go wild with him while he’s in bear form, much to the horror of an on-looking squirrel. Annoyingly though, you can’t do this until Act 3, meaning, while he’s a lover, he won’t share that love until nearing Baldur’s Gate.
I love Gale, not least of all because he always gets puppy dog eyes for my Tav so damn quickly, but because his sex scene is truly magical. The thing that annoys me about it is that you have to wait until Act 2 to get that scene, with said scene easily missed if you don’t take a long rest before venturing beneath Moonlight Towers. But the man wants you quicker than any other companion, unless you’re a big ol’ meanie, then he takes longer to warm to you.
2. Astarion and Minthara
Everyone’s favourite white-haired babe has a reputation for being easy, yet Astarion won’t just go to bed with anyone – he has standards, you know. Despite his approval being tricky to gain when you’re a do-gooder, if you play your cards right, and choose the right moments to bring him along, that sultry vamp will be begging for you by the party in Act 1.
As for Minthara, she’s an easy Drow to get between the sheets, though for you to manage that you either need to play it cruel or knock her out in the Goblin Camp. However you manage to get her there, having sex with Minthara is easy peasy, though not as easy as everyone’s favourite angry Gith.
Look, this may be surprising for many, but Lae’zel wants to jump your bones pretty damn quickly, sometimes before you reach the Act 1 celebration. She’s just that keen! Granted, you need her approval, but winning her over isn’t hard, even more so if you’re playing a chaotically good playthrough. Seriously, her neck hairs will be all a quiver the moment you hit medium or higher approval, so prepare yourself for some Githyanki smut.
NPC Bonus Boinks
I told you I was dedicated. This is why I’m going to list the easiest NPCs to sleep with, just in case you want to shag your way through every moment of the game. All of these opportunities won’t present themselves until Act 3, but boy oh boy, they’re worth the wait.
Few can say no to Mizora, which is why sleeping with her is a fantastic option for the truly horny among you. However, while she doesn’t require a lot of convincing, she’s one of the harder NPCs to sleep with in terms of getting to the goods. Still, nothing worthwhile comes easy…
4. The Emperor
I found sleeping with the Emperor so easy it actually took me by surprise when I started kissing those tentacles. That being said, this “romance” isn’t guaranteed, and comes after a series of mainline quests, so they aren't the easiest NPC lay you’ll discover during your time in Faerûn.
Arguably one of the easier NPCs to take to bed, not least of all because Harleep makes a play for you first. Better still, you can choose whether Harleep is masc or femme presenting, making it a rather enjoyable romp, though one met with disapproval by your companions. Spoilsports.
2. Naoise Nallinto (Brothel Elf)
I've fondly dubbed Naoise the "brothel Elf" because you find her Sharess’ Caress and end up embarking on some pleasurable, mind-melding mental activities. Come now, no one said the sex had to be physical for it to count. Besides, my character still ended up hazy-eyed afterwards, so I’ll mark it as another conquest on my Tav’s long list.
1. Drow Twins
This will surprise no one as the Drow twins at the brothel are pretty much down for anything, including incest. Whether that sits well on your moral compass or not, the fact remains that these NPCs are game for a foursome if you and your love interest fancy spreading your affection around. And should your partner decline, you can still sleep with the twin of your choosing.
You’ll likely be tuckered out after all that sex, but no one can call you a quitter. Still, it may take a day or two for you to recover enough to actually do the one job you’re meant to do: defeat the Absolute.