I caved and picked up Final Fantasy VII Remake over the weekend. I've spent a while debating whether or not the game was worth £60, especially since I'd seen some fairly mixed reviews. Ultimately though, a solid 7/10 review from our very own Mike Diver coupled by some glowing recommendations from the rest of the GAMINGbible team led me to take the plunge and hand over the cash.
Mercifully, I'm glad I did. Final Fantasy VII Remake is a wonderful game with some gorgeous visuals, excellent combat, and a cast of characters that I've fallen in love with all over again. If I'm being completely honest, I always had a bit of a crush on Tifa as a kid... and that feeling has been reignited thanks to some fantastic dialogue and performances from Cody Christian and Britt Baron, who play Cloud and Tifa respectively.
I've also developed a newfound love for Jessie and the rest of the Avalanche team, and I'm completely smitten with the ways in which Square Enix chose to flesh out these characters for Remake. Yep, on the whole, I wholeheartedly dig Final Fantasy VII Remake and I can't wait to get back to it after I finish work.
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What a shame then, that Chadley exists.
I'd seen my colleagues complaining about someone called Chadley over Slack, but wanting to be avoid FFVII Remake spoilers I decided not to pry. I'd face the mysterious Chadley in my own time. I still remember the first time I heard his voice. It was only over the weekend, to be fair.
I was exploring the Sector 7 Slums, taking it all in. "Searching for candidates," came a muffled shout from somewhere in the distance in a tone that I found a little annoying. I shrugged it off and continued on my way. A little later, I heard it again, although was once again unsure exactly who'd just said it. It wasn't until about an hour or so later that I actually met Chadley and realised what a monster I was dealing with.
Goddamn Chadley.
Even by Final Fantasy standards, the look of the little oik immediately rubbed me up the wrong way. He looks exactly like this kid I went to school with who'd Naruto run down the halls and once printed off hundreds of "I can haz cheeseburger" memes to hand out to fellow students because he thought it was the funniest sh*t he'd ever seen.
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Side note, this kid got an absolute bollocking for wasting his printer credits on printing out memes. This telling off really seemed to take the spirit out of him. I don't think I ever saw the lad Naruto run again after that day.
But I'm getting off track. I don't know if Chadley is into memes, but he definitely strikes me as the kind of the kid who runs a Facebook page with 20-30 followers that has a name like "spicy" or "zesty" in it. So I hated Chadley as soon as I laid eyes on him. You can only imagine then, exactly how I felt when he started speaking.
I honestly can't say for sure what it is about his voice that drives me up the wall. Is it the stilted dialogue? The way he delivers lines like a toaster that's come to life and has just learned to talk? A combination of the two? I don't know. All I know is that speaking to him is like nails on a chalkboard to me, and I hate that he keeps showing up as part of one of the game's longest and most involved sidequests.
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It also hurts that Chadley initially teases you with the prospect of getting to beat him down with your sword, but we all know that happy reality never comes to pass. And instead of spending the rest of the game dreaming about murdering Chadley (after first feeding him that dumbass eye-piece he wears), I have to see him constantly.
Maybe that's what stings the most. Gathering Battle Intel for Chadley so that he can develop new types of Materia is genuinely helpful for me as a player... but it can feel like one hell of a grind, and having to interact with him consistently throughout the game and hear him speak to Cloud like he's just dribbled all over his boots drives me up the wall.
He's just there, all the damn time. Always looking like Square Enix's Over The Top take on the Milky Bar kid and never shutting the hell up. Oh, and he has the cheek to charge you for any Materia he produces as a result of your research. Chadley is exactly the kind of prick that thinks it's okay to ask people to work for exposure. I hate him so much.
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Chadley is, and I don't say this lightly, the most irritating video game character I have had to deal with since Resident Evil 4's Ashley. I wouldn't be surprised if they were related in some weird way, actually... despite being from two completely different franchises. If Final Fantasy VII Remake Part 2 does one thing - just one - I want a sidequest where I get to hunt down Chadley before putting all the Materia he's made into a cloth sack and beating him to death with it.
Screw you, Chadley.
Featured Image Credit: Square Enix
Topics: Final Fantasy VII Remake, PlayStation, Square Enix, PS4