Dragon Age: Origins writer calls for remaster with 'extra-realistic slimy nipple textures'

A Dragon Age: Origins writer has called for a remaster with “extra-realistic slimy nipple textures”. Isn't that what we all want? No? No one?

Dragon Age: Origins was released back in 2009 and still to this day, is considered to be one of BioWare’s finest RPG entries. However, while its story and RPG mechanics might be as fun as ever, at least visually, it’s probably fair to say that it hasn't aged all that well. Recently, BioWare’s Mass Effect trilogy got a remaster in 2021 with the Legendary Edition, so fans have been wondering if Dragon Age: Origins as well as its 2011 sequel might also receive the makeover treatment one day.

As reported by PC Gamer, at the forefront of wanting to see Dragon Age: Origins remastered is one of its former writers, David Gaider. “If we're on a kick remastering games from the aughts, what about Dragon Age: Origins?” tweeted Gaider. “Its graphics were behind the curve even at the time of release... Can you imagine it with brand new PS5-era bells and whistles?”

If we're on a kick re-mastering games from the aughts, what about Dragon Age Origins? Its graphics were behind the curve even at the time of release... can you imagine it with brand new PS5-era bells and whistles? 🥳

— David Gaider (@davidgaider) February 23, 2023

Replying to a follower, Gaider continued, “Even Inquisition-level graphics would be great! Look, all I want is for Morrigan to not have the shoulders of a linebacker and for the sex scenes to not look like someone bashing marionettes together." Joining in on the conversation, another Twitter user was seemingly keen on the Dragon Age series being remastered and claimed it would sell like “hotcakes” and we couldn't agree more. However, Gaider shared his concerns on the prospect of the series being remastered but claimed that EA doesn't really get the appeal of Dragon Age.

I suspect EA would only do it if they thought it would sell like *gold-plated* hotcakes. They've... never really gotten DA, or understood why it sold better than Mass Effect, was my impression.

— David Gaider (@davidgaider) February 24, 2023

However, it seems that Gaider came under some criticism for the “shoulders of a linebacker” comment, perhaps as a knock for broader female body types. Gaider clarified those concerns and insinuated that due to the technical limitations of the time, most characters had the “shoulders of a linebacker” in Dragon Age: Origins.

Okay, to clarify:

All female models in DAO used the male animation rig. I thought this looked esp odd on Morrigan, whose unique model had a very slender frame and was altered (particularly at the shoulders) to match. I can't unsee the change.

No other implications intended. 😅

— David Gaider (@davidgaider) February 24, 2023

So, with that potential controversy clarified, let’s end this story on a slimy nipple note. When a fan responded to Gaider expressing how good Dragon Age: Origins would look with all the new-gen bells and whistles, they referred to a Broodmother. In case you didn't know, a Broodmother is a grotesque, tentacled slimy ghoul in Dragon Age: Origins. To which Gaider replied: “Just think: extra-realistic slimy nipple textures.” That's enough internet for one day.