Featured Image Credit: Photo by Caroline Brehman / AFP via Getty Images
Topics: Tech, PC, PlayStation, Xbox
Topics: Tech, PC, PlayStation, Xbox
If you’re a gamer, that doesn’t necesserily mean you’re a gooner, but we’re all well aware that the two worlds have always gone... Hand in hand.
Or, should I say, gaming has always encouraged a certain level of hands-on … you get the idea. Insert the ‘In the club, straight up “jorking it” meme’.
Gaming has arguably become somewhat less sexualised over the years; gone are the days of Lara Croft’s polygonal breasts and cheat inputs that allow you to see them in all their pixelated glory.
The industry is far from rid of its horniness though. Bonk!
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You won’t have to browse Steam for very long to find a game starring a busty waifu. Heck, make that a game consisting of exclusively busty waifus.
The fact that I can say the phrase “jiggle physics” and you know that I’m referring to how boobs bounce in a video game says enough really.
Contemporary God of War couldn’t get away with those awful sex mini-games of the 00s, but AAAs like Stellar Blade prove that the gooners are most definitely still being catered to.
Thankfully, the industry’s inability to shake sexualisation hasn’t spread to its hardware … yet.
By all accounts though, if tech displayed at this year’s CES (Consumer Technology Association) is anything to go by, the gap between gaming hardware and sex toys could be closing very soon.
I’d have been blissfully unaware of all this if it wasn’t for that viral IGN video.
If you haven’t seen it, the team got hands-on with the Handy 2 Pro which does what you might expect to a man. Just... Don't open that link in public.
When I say hands-on, I mean they literally held the product in their hands. No peanits were jorked in the making of the video, or at least I hope not.
The publication has since published footage of various other pieces of sex-related hardware specifically that pertain to gaming.
There are devices that pair up with VR headsets so you can picture a pretty AI partner while you’re on the receiving end of … activities.
Another upright device looks to have you get busy with your hand to control gameplay, if you know what I mean.
IGN further highlighted the Playmate which appears to join up with your controller with gameplay inputs simultaneously controlling a vibrating, I don’t know, saddle?
Whether it’s for the player or a partner, I haven’t got a clue. Maybe both?
IGN asked company Motorbunny who the items were for, with the company claiming that many sex toy users are also gamers.
I wish I could say I was surprised but given everything I outlined about the world of gaming above, yeah, that absolutely tracks.
I can’t see gaming gooner hardware going mainstream but I’m sure there’s some folks out there who’ll get a kick out of it.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go and play Fortnite and forget any of this information ever even entered my mind. Keep scrolling to find our round-up of some actually cool CES announcements you can actually read in public.