The Game Awards backlash has convinced me some of you don't even deserve video games

The reaction to The Game Awards’ biggest announcements from the usual suspects has convinced me some of you don’t deserve video games. And you should certainly never be allowed within 73 yards of any actual human women.

I was lucky enough to be in the audience for The Game Awards 10th anniversary, and came out feeling elated. What a glorious, life-affirming passion we all share! What a privilege to be in the same room as so many dedicated developers who, in the face of a gut-wrenching year for the industry, have held on so tightly to a drive to create, to continually surprise and delight gamers.

And then I made the mistake of going on social media.

Two of the biggest announcements - The Witcher 4 and a brand-new IP from Naughty Dog called Intergalactic - were being torn apart by the usual suspects. People like amateur cockroach wrangler Asmongold and the various divorced dads who have come together like a nightmarish version of The Avengers are mad because they can’t jork their lil’ peanits to the female characters set to lead these games. I’m not missing a subtlety. That’s literally it.

I should have seen it coming, I guess. But I honestly thought a new Witcher game and something brand-new from the studio behind Uncharted and The Last Of Us would unite us all.

It doesn’t matter to these people that The Witcher 3 and The Last Of Us Part 2 are among the most celebrated video games ever made. It doesn’t matter to them that Ciri leading her own game was clearly established years ago. And it certainly doesn’t matter to them that the women leading these two new games are, in fact, quite clearly cool as shit (and attractive, but that isn’t - and shouldn’t be - the point).

Further proof, if any were needed, that this has never been about a love of video games for these snivelling farts. Give it enough time and they’ll probably start doing videos on how Amaterasu’s canine anus has been made 1mm smaller in the upcoming Okami sequel.

Maybe pleasuring themselves to grainy pictures of Tifa back in 1998 while their parents were loudly getting divorced downstairs meant these people could never form an emotional or physical attachment to a real human woman. Maybe that’s why they’re all such insufferable idiots.

Hey, maybe it’s unfair for me to make these assumptions about them. It’s never cool to generalise. But if you’re the kind of person who genuinely believes measuring the cheekbones on a fictional female character's face is some kind of just and noble cause, then I genuinely believe you should find a mirror, wipe it clean, and take a look at yourself.